Compromise is a life or death concept.

Without it, relationships follow the Tower of Babel to lime-dust and ruin. It may be the platform on which wars cease, technology and nature merge and hearts blend. But it ain’t all good. Not even close.

Compromising the longing of our heart’s wish for expression, or our sense of health and wellbeing, is the ice-age of our era—the big meteor, the human apocalypse.

That’s why…

Erich Fromm, in The Art of Loving, concluded that people have love all backwards. The majority of the western world believes that self-love is unanimously equated with selfishness when this is actually the furthest thing from the truth.

Blame it on capitalism, “you are not enough” ideologies, or last autumn’s poor harvest, but if we’re not sui generis, surfing our groove, we’re making the whole damn planet sick—regardless of how many cows we don’t eat or how many solar panels are on our roofs.

Walling our hearts off from our own love is a tempestuous breeding ground for narcissism—the true definition of selfishness; the diametrical opposite of self-love.

Self-love is the platform from which all other loves spring. It is also what the Divine seeks in us.

So what if you can make people happy, give advice (a dangerous thing to do), boil everyone’s favorite ratatouille, or solve a million problems in a corporation that just can’t run without you? If your heart hurts, your gut leaks and the hardest thing to overcome is gravity first thing in the morning. Then its time to ask: “Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest and most deserving of love of all?”

To which all the mirrors in your life respond: “It really is all about you. I know, it’s hard to face it, but we’ll keep reminding you until you do.”

So what if you can astral travel and consult demi-gods sitting on lotus flowers orbiting Sirius, with all the answers to the Universe except one: your answer—so intricately sketched onto the interior walls of your heart—mandala style.

Searching all directions
with one’s awareness,
one finds no one dearer
than oneself.
In the same way, others
are fiercely dear to themselves.
So one should not hurt others
if one loves oneself.

~ Buddha

It’s interesting the lengths we go to avoid standing out in health and success ‘’in the name of children”, because “our parents didn’t show us”, because “there isn’t enough time”, “we’re not feeling well,” or—my least favourite—“it will upset other people.”

No, it’s not interesting—it’s terrible. It’s religious masochism, rituals included, and we’ve turned our minds and bodies into martyrs.

Our children need us to show them how to burn for life. Our parents aren’t responsible for our callings; we are responsible to go beyond their limitations. The busiest people in the world always have time when their heart is the only set destination on Google maps.

If somebody wants you to change your Spiritual DNA, good luck, because they can’t. If you change it so that you can belong to their “likeable person” category, then get a therapist, read about codependency, see them for the narcissist they are and meditate until you fill their space in your life with self-love and massages.

Yes…

Sometimes we diverge from our path, suffer illness, blame others, fail at relationships and consider jumping off the nearest cliff. But all this distance from our true footing is necessary. The distance created gives a splendid view. Our divorces, infidelities, betrayals, lies, addictions and downright pitiful attempts at life have left a mountain range at our back. If you’re like me and need to scour every wretched bog in the land of self-doubt, it is a quantum sigh of relief when we find out we don’t need to bear this cross any longer.

Living the path of the heart—which includes pursuing health, new experiences and the sharing of our gifts—is the only thing that helps other people. If we give up on our path then we blow a fuse in the Universal Network. We put out a star before its time. Planets rely on stars.

Don’t break the big dipper. (You get the point.)

“No pain, much gain.” ~ Byron Katie

So let us bear down—downward-dog style—dig those heels back and finally admit that the most terrifying thing in the world is not to die, but to thrive; to dance a lifetime jig on the javelin of joy.

Honesty is a good seed.

How do you self-sabotage? How do you overcome? I turn to your comments below…

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Jordan Kozey

206 2445 Broad Street
Regina, SK S4P0C7
(306) 581-4149

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Jordan Kozey, MA - R. Psych. (provisional)

206 2445 Broad Street - Regina, SK - S4P0C7

psychotherapy@jordankozey.com

(306)581-4149

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