Like some young men, I grew up with a strong libido and nowhere to put it. Who was I going to tell that I was horny most of the time? My male friends didn’t want to hear it unless the conversation somehow involved how to sleep with women and who was hot; certainly not my parents or teachers, and aside from my sexual partners (and even then), there was little room for verbal expression of how much I burned. My late elementary and high school years were spent without Internet access, so the exposure to pornography was, thankfully, limited. I can only imagine what my 15-year-old self would be doing right now.

An inability and ignorance toward what to do with sexual energy, coupled with vast overstimulation and embarrassing encounters with partners, sent me searching for answers.

Some of my friends are like a brontosaurus in a forest of tall trees, rarely ever struggling to reach the canopy, or so they say, and make no mistake, leafy greens go a “long” way. Yet in my practice and in conversations elsewhere, I am noticing that many men are secretly suffering from the same type of confidence-jarring episodes I had when I was younger. Health, by and large, is becoming multi-disciplined. The days of symptom “cures” are fading, and by that I mean drugs such as Viagra and Cialis. To fully restore a man’s sexual health, he must integrate several areas of life. Here are some of the non-prescription gems I have found to “give myself a lift.”

**Please note there are several conditions that contribute to erectile problems that cannot be solved by these methods., where medical assistance should be sought.**

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1. Our body’s malfunctions are both literal and symbolic: Erections have as much to do with virility and confidence, as they do with biology and blood flow. 

Western Mythology and Eastern Religious thought hold the erection, often referred to as the Phallus, as a symbol of fertility and strength. The erection is constellated in the symbol of Mars, with the arrow pointed up and away, honoring the god of action and ego (*note: he is not the god of the sexual, but of the energy). 

The negative side of this symbol indicates war and aggression, stewed with narcissism. However the virtue of these phalli represent a lust for life, circulation, and an ability to penetrate the mysteries of experience.   

A limp penis is allegorically associated with an inability to respond to the challenges of life or a depleted effort in following ones true calling. The shaft and head of the penis are structurally akin to the spinal column and brain. Just Google “Posture” and you will find that people who walk with a straight spine, and sit erect, have more blood flow to their brains, are perceived as more confident, and are healthier—indicating an engaged relationship with the world.

Flaccidity can drastically change when one turns their energy toward what they love to do in life. Our dreams are often represented in the stars: distant, but somehow attainable. Coincidentally we refer to famous people as stars. Jimmy Page, the lead guitarist of Led Zeppelin, was often portrayed as an “orgasmic” guitarist, flowing his life force through his fingers into the strings. When our intention is pinpointed on lofty goals, the stuff our dreams are made of, our thoughts and actions, will not be the only part of us that turns skyward. Your partner wants to experience your ardor, and so does the world.

2. Reduce understimulation and overstimulation

As a child I learned to self soothe my anxieties by putting my hand in my pants. Embarrassingly, this habit spilled over into my teen years, and I found that each time I became somewhat anxious, I’d be plowing my jeans. Many men masturbate frequently and find they no longer have the stimulation they need when their partners are ready for sex. Nerve endings need periods of rest, so as to not become habitually overstimulated. 

One solution for a man suffering from erectile difficulties is a period of abstinence. A full month, or even two weeks, can make a significant difference. This allows the nerves to recalibrate, anxieties to be dealt with emotionally, and for sex to be exciting again. Drugs and alcohol should be avoided during this time, as they can be great downers when it comes to the male member. 

Overstimulation can also take place in the mind. If a man mentally gets naked with every attractive woman he sees, overstimulation occurs, and the nerves still fire. However, if a man is able to breathe this aliveness and lust throughout his entire body (to be covered in another article), rather than fantasizing, he can heal himself and honor the attracting energy rather than waste it.  Pornography, the greatest over-stimulator of them all, often spells certain doom for the actual sexual encounter.

Understimulation constitutes a complete avoidance of sexual energy, a fear of touching oneself, and suppression of passion.  Sexual energy that is skewed, scattered, or squelched (as a professor of mine used to say) can produce emotional imbalances, physical illnesses, and intimacy deficiencies, as well as (following the first suggestion) a general melancholic stance in life or unruly aggression. Men need some randiness!

3. It’s all in the climax.

Literally. The best parts of the blood work to produce sperm. Hence the best energy in the body is used and infused in this liquid. It does, after all, contain the potential components to help create an entire new life-form (or more than one). Potent stuff! One of the most effective ways to restore your ability is to engage fully in sexual activity with your partner, but leave orgasm out as the goal. In this way, you will not feel depleted afterward, your bonding neurotransmitters will not be spent (see Cupid’s Poison Arrow, a book on non-ejaculatory sex), you will be spared from under or overstimulation, and your chances of being ready next time around will be enhanced. Also, that same energy that goes into creating a child will be re-circulated back through your body and can be used toward your dreams, goals, projects, and relationship (yet another article).

The most fertile ground for the most potent erection of life’s forces is a relationship that is emotionally, physically, and mentally safe, one in which both partners are imbued with a love for life as well as each other, and one in which their stimulation is sourced and contained within their mutual vessel and the energy generated is not wasted in frugal moments, but spent on those things in life that will provide them a positive return.

These methods may not work for everyone, but I’m betting there are countless men who can use these tips to crank things up without the pills and start enjoying sex with their partners again.

Photo—Charlie Phillips/Flickr

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Jordan Kozey

206 2445 Broad Street
Regina, SK S4P0C7
(306) 581-4149

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Jordan Kozey, MA - R. Psych. (provisional)

206 2445 Broad Street - Regina, SK - S4P0C7

psychotherapy@jordankozey.com

(306)581-4149

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